What is Mediation?
Tips to Maximize your Effectiveness in Mediation
Preparing for Your Mediation
Barriers to Every Day Communication
Good Communication Starts with Listening
A Mediator’s Guide to Dealing with Respect During Conflict
- Whether or not someone is treating someone else respectfully
- Whether or not someone deserves or has earned respect.
- How much respect is shown (or not shown).
These discussions, my friends, are red herrings. They lead nowhere but to a repeated trading of perception, of offensive move followed by defensive move. They distract you from the conversation that is significant, the conversation that gets you off the respect/disrespect gerbil wheel and onto a useful path of discussion.
This article considers three things to do instead…
- Venting Anger: A Good Habit to Break – The value of venting is a myth. The theory on which the idea of venting anger is based has been repeatedly disproven since the 1950s. While it may feel cathartic, venting anger doesn’t purge aggression from your system or improve psychological state. In fact, it’s more likely to increase anger and aggressiveness.
- Is It Ever OK to Blame? – The act of blaming, more often than not, is counterproductive to conflict resolution. Assigning blame allows the blamer to avoid taking any responsibility for their own actions while contending the conflict is entirely the responsibility of the other person. However, conflict is rarely generated by one person, alone. Blame does not change the argument or the facts of the situation. What it may do instead is put your colleague, friend, spouse, or teammate on the defensive, which in turn is likely to make them less receptive to your message.
- From Reaction to Response – Conflict As A Choice: – Once we embrace that conflict is inevitable in social relationships, the question we have to ask is “how do we respond?” Responsibly, we’d hope. Yet, for the most part, when we are in conflict we are not very responsive and tend to be reactive. Shifting to a responsive approach to conflict is easier said than done. When we are in conflict situations, we are typically being triggered and reverting to our unconscious conflict handling scripts.
Whether at home, school, or in the workplace, John Zinsser observes that most people want to avoid disagreement, but at what cost? Like a summer thunder storm, conflict regularly occurs and has benefit. Zinsser makes the case that it’s the legal-based model of how we react to conflict, which creates the maelstrom. For a more fulfilling path forward he encourages people to embrace conflict, using three way points to negotiate a beneficial outcome.
This video shows how the Conflict Resolution Model works. Conflict, and the resentment it breeds, massively undermines relationships at all levels.
The Norwegian Nobel Committee awarded Mr. Ahtisaari for his role as an outstanding international peace mediator. Through his constant efforts and personal commitment, Mr. Ahtisaari has demonstrated how important mediation can be for the resolution of conflicts. In this short video, Martti Ahtisaari highlights the qualities of a good mediator.